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A high five hands on yours, a hug from a family member…we have
recognized the therapeutic healing power associated with feel and touch for a
long time now. Yet research has shown that even small expressions, little
touches, as well as physical contact between individuals, leads to surprisingly
good behavioral adjustments.
In one study conducted with Brigham Young University, research
workers trained partners to keep them self updated on one another’s feeling by
means of nonsexual touch of the neck, shoulders as well as hands. They
discovered that couples which practiced this kind of contact acquired higher
levels of oxytocin, the hormone which boosts the sensation regarding binding as
well as wellbeing, and resulting in a lowered level of apha ayylase, a tension
signal stress indicator, than partners who had not receive the instructive
This past year the New York Times reported that students
who obtained any supportive touch such as a mild pat on the shoulder from a
teacher have been about twice as prone to volunteer in class as those who did
not…and that the same type touch from a physician made patients think that
their physician's check-up had lasted twice as long as those that had not
received the physical contact.
And also consider the high five or closed fists bumps? In a
study from University of California-Berkley scientists discovered that National
Basketball Association teams whose players had good positive tactile contact
performed far greater than teams that did not.
These studies concluded that physical contact appeared to
encourage cooperation…ease stress…and create a cozy as well as trusting
please, be sure to…hug your family members often…give your young ones all the
affectionate physical contact you can…and don’t hesitate to interact with
nonfamily members by simply placing your hand on their’s. That's effective
Kissing is more than a prelude to intimacy -- it is a healing act. A
triggers endorphins and melts away tension... brings us back into the moment...
restores energy... cultivates profound closeness... and contributes to a
fulfilling, loving relationship.
Most people kiss with
only a fraction of their awareness. They deliver quick, routine pecks that send
the message This is all the
time I have for you right now, or
engage in longer kisses while their minds are elsewhere, such as wondering
whether the kiss will lead to lovemaking.
Unfortunately, we lack
good role models for kissing. On TV and in the movies, kissing usually is
depicted as mashing lips together roughly. Mashing, puckering up and the quick smooch
all suggest that a person has predetermined how the kiss is going to be, rather
than letting the kiss evolve through the back-and-forth interplay between
The following exercises
can help anyone become a better kisser -- and are fun to do...
Surprise your partner
with a slow, luxuriant kiss. Place your hands on his/her face, and gently turn
it toward you. Look into his eyes and take two deep breaths -- as though you
are drinking in the essence of your partner. Continue to look into each other’s
eyes as you draw his face closer. Feel your connection to each other throughout
your whole body. Don’t kiss yet -- instead, revel in your partner’s nearness
and enjoy the tease and the hunger that precede the actual kiss. Finally, gently
embrace your partner’s lips by wrapping both your lips around one of his. Keep
breathing as you let your whole body sense the tenderness between you.
DEVELOP YOUR SENSES
We spend a great deal of
time thinking and planning and not enough time sensing and experiencing. To be
better kissers and truly enjoy kissing, we need to reconnect with our bodies.
becoming aware of physical sensations during everyday actions. When you walk, feel the sensation of your foot
striking and coming off the pavement and the temperature of the air on your
face. When cooking, let yourself fully appreciate the aroma and visual splendor
of the food you are preparing. In the shower, feel the pulse and heat of the
water on your skin.
favorite variety of chocolate, and eat it as slowly as possible. First, gaze at it, appreciating its shape and
color. Place it in your mouth. Before biting down, notice how it feels against
your tongue. As you slowly consume it, savor the changes in texture and flavor.
massages with your partner, taking
time to enjoy the relaxation and stimulation that arise from the sensitive
nerve endings in the feet.
When you kiss,
extend your sensual awareness to your partner as you delight in stroking his face and hair and inhaling his scent.
pillow talk. Before or after
making love, or any time you are cuddling, share with your partner something
he/she did that made you feel good. Example: "When you touched me this
morning, I felt alive, and I kept feeling your touch all day long."
Make noise. When you are kissing, notice any urge to sigh,
murmur or even moan. Give in to the urge to express your feelings in sound.
GET IN RHYTHM
partner’s breathing. You can do
this without telling the other person -- just pay attention to the pace of your
partner’s breath, and breathe in time with it. This creates a deep sense of
connection. The two of you also can do this together, consciously, deciding who
will match whom. For most couples, it is a good idea for the man to match the
woman’s breathing first. Many women are used to attuning themselves to others,
and they feel deeply appreciated when a partner attunes to them.
Don’t feel that you have
to be serious doing this exercise. If you find yourselves giggling, that’s even
better. Laughter is a powerful connecting force.
Put on some
tango or other Latin music, embrace each other and dance around the room as you
kiss. Feel the rhythm of the music
throughout your body. Improvise with your lips as you let the music inspire
offering and receiving. Have one
partner be the "lead kisser" for five minutes, then reverse roles for
five minutes. After that, let spontaneity take over as each of you leads and
It’s never too early or
too late to begin a conversation about what you prefer in a kiss. Do you like
moisture? How much? Yes, a
little, not so I have to wipe off my face, and never in my ear. Oh, and no loud
smacking kisses anywhere near my ears, please. Share feedback about what you and your partner most enjoy. Build on
this, and keep adding to your repertoire for as long as you two shall kiss.
A word about tongues: As kissing continues, use your
lips and tongue to invite your beloved’s tongue to come and play. Tongues
become something of a third lip, adding dimension and complexity to the kiss.
Kisses, like your breath, your touch and your connection, become more fully and
deeply engaged as you share your energy back and forth. The conversation of
tongues becomes more expressive -- teeth begin to nibble and grab, sucking of
lip or tongue may ensue and a pause of lip-locked stillness can open the moment
into a rush of pure connection, engendering passion and floods of hormones.
Cherie Byrd, MA, is a holistic psychotherapist based
in Seattle, who has been practicing and teaching the art and energy of intimacy
for more than 35 years. She opened the Kissing School in Seattle in 1998.
The soft drink industry wears many hats. On one occasion
it resembles such offenders as Big Tobacco by its funding of so called independent research groups dedicated to twisting the truth. All this to discredit clinical authoritative findings
that links their sugary, and junk food products to serious health risks.
Their phony front-groups disguised as authority, disingenuously support legitimate health groups and organizations while pretending to be concerned and involved
in safe food and drink products. In reality, they’re products are promoting serious
health risks associated with premature degenerative diseases, and
Soda, a widely consumed beverage of America’s children, is
linked to aggressive, violent, abnormal behavior, and including mood swings.
Adults are also exposed to serious health risks including diabetes, cancer, obesity, etc. Sugar is guilty of promoting an acidic-body-chemistry that increasingly encourages pathogenic
aggression. Cancer and other diseases thrive in an acidic, sugary body-chemistry-environment.
schools have been rewarded by manufacturers of processed and junk-food
products, along with their sugary counterparts with kick-backs and other perks
to school districts that promote these poison-food and drink products to our naive and
Parents are encouraged to educate their children on the
dangers of poor food choices, and to teach by example by introducing your
children, and yourselves to better and healthy choices such as organic, and or
locally grown foods from trusted farms in your area. You can encourage
life-long consciousness of good food and eating habits in those you love, and
greatly increase their chances for a long and disease free life.
Almost 1 billion pounds of pesticides are used just on
fields and orchards in the United States — each year. These chemicals not only coat edible products, but also drift into
nearby communities. Remember to soak, then thoroughly rinse your
non-organic produce before serving. A effective non-toxic wash solution is
available at http://www.environne.comand, http://www.tryfit.com
A home made wash-solution…
Use a Hydrogen peroxide solution to clean non-organic vegetables. Add 2
teaspoons to 1 gallon of water. Soak leafy vegetables for 5-10 minutes, fruits
and heavier veggies for 10 -15minutes before using or storing. Peel non-organic fruits and vegetables,
such as apples and cucumbers and discard the peel.
Peel and discard outer layers of non-organic leafy
vegetables, such as lettuce and cabbage.
Editor’s note: While pesticide free food is an obvious
win-win path to better health, clean and pure water (chlorine and fluoride
free) is just as important since upto 60% of the human body is water, the brain is composed of 70% water. Your
health and longevity is within
Be Cautious of the Hidden Dangers of “Eco-Friendly” fabric Grocery Bags.
The alternative to plastic has become reusable cloth/fabric grocery bags. However, they are prone to harbor breeding grounds for infectious food-borne bacteria and therefore pose a serious public health risk at best.
The report, developed in a joint study conducted between researchers at
the University of Arizona and Loma Linda University detected harmful coliform bacteria, and E. coli, in half of food shoppers’ bags in a random test.
Obvious reasoning suggests that you never put raw meat and produce in fabric shopping bags. Also, moisture from frozen food items produces condensation that encourages the growth and transfer of mold and other microbial organisms. If you’re using fabric bags, it’s strongly advised that you wash them periodically in hot water with bleach to eliminate hazardous bio-growth.
Several west coast cities have now banned the use of these sanitary plastic grocery bags, claiming that they are not eco-friendly to the environment, and may no longer be a option to grocery shoppers in these areas.Cities already
enforcing the baninclude, Seattle, San Francisco, and Portland. Also, this trend may soon become a statewide ban of plastic shopping bags in the great state of California. We seem to eliminate one unhealthy habit only to embrace another with possible more serious consequences.
All this in the name of a healthier environment. Isn’t it comforting to know that our law-makers are well educated on this subject, and well ahead of the curve. Maybe forced inoculations are next on their environmental do-good agenda?
On "The Early Show on Saturday," Frances Largeman-Roth, senior food and nutrition editor for Health magazine, shared the power foods below that may help keep you energized and focused.
To Boost Energy:
If you feel tired and groggy throughout the day, you may not be getting enough iron. And because women lose the mineral when we menstruate, you could feel this effect even if you don't have a full-blown deficiency.
Eat: Red meats, poultry, fortified cereals
To Feel Calm:
We know caffeine can put us on edge. But another surprising source of jitters is too many refined carbs - foods high in white flour (cookies, white bread) and stripped of nutrients and fiber that normally keep your blood sugar stable. A big dose of these foods could cause your blood sugar to soar, and you may be antsy as a result. Then, the extra insulin will make your blood sugar plummet, leaving you feeling sluggish. To prevent those drastic spikes, stick with unrefined carbohydrates.
Eat: Brown rice, whole-grain bread, whole-grain pasta
To Get Sharp:
Are you constantly misplacing your car keys? You might not be getting enough brain-boosting nutrients like omega-3 fatty acids and vitamin B-12. Omega-3s are loaded with DHA, a type of fatty acid that makes neurons in your brain fire more effectively. And a lack of B-12 has been linked with confusion, numbness, and fatigue. If you up your intake of these suggested foods and still feel disoriented, ask your doctor if you should consider having your B-12 level tested.
Eat: Salmon (omega-3), eggs (B-12)
To Beat Bloating:
Even though veggies and legumes are good for you, certain ones - like beans, broccoli, cabbage, and cauliflower - can produce lots of gas, leaving you with major bloating. It might have something to do with their complex sugars being hard to digest. Carbonated drinks can also increase bloating, both because they're bubbly and because their artificial sweeteners can be hard for your body to break down. If your belly is feeling swollen, try halving the amount of bloat-boosting veggies you normally eat for a week to see if that helps. Don't cut them out completely, because they still provide crucial nutrients. Ditch soda and seltzer, but keep drinking flat water, which helps relieve constipation - another cause of bloating. Taking probiotic supplements can also help. Talk to your doctor about which one might be right for you.
Despite emphatic warnings by well credentialed experts, and overwhelmingly vehement opposition by the majority of the farming community the USDA and Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack and therefore President Obama’s administration have “fully deregulated genetically engineered alfalfa ” which is our predominant feed crop for livestock. The implications of this decision are huge. It is predicted by Dr. Huber in the above video that within only five years there will no longer exist any alfalfa that is not genetically engineered. This is a decision from which there may be no way to turn back, irreversible.
As described by Dr. Huber in the video, in the livestock herds studied to date, infertility rates of 15% have been observed and combined spontaneous abortion+still birth rates as high as 35% are evident in livestock exposed to and infected by this new virus/fungus by Monsanto’s roundup ready corn and soy crops. If you are a farmer or rancher, and 50% of your herd is unable to reproduce, very shortly you will no longer have a herd.
The phenomenon is spreading. Everyone seems to be searching for the ultimate legal high. Here's the story of one entrepreneur who wants to make dreams come true.
foxnews.com - Authorities in the Massachusetts communities of Fall River and New Bedford want to ban Lazy Cakes from stores because they believe the treats may be harmful to children, CBS Boston reported. Lazy Cakes are “tasty chocolate treats that bring on the ultimate state of relaxation,” according to the company’s Facebook page. The brownie is flavored with herbal relaxation blends such as melatonin, valerian root extract, rose hips extracts and passion flower.
Fall River Mayor William Flanagan said brownies should not be laced with melatonin, a sleep aid, and he has asked the city council to pass an ordinance that would keep the brownies off of store shelves. “If someone wants to buy melatonin, that’s fine, but it shouldn’t be in a brownie that’s packaged to attract kids,” he said.
There’s approximately eight milligrams of melatonin in each of the ‘cakes.’ One serving, or half a brownie, is more than the recommended dose.“ In Europe, the common prescription as a sleep aid for adults is .03 milligrams,” Dr. John Benanti, the head of Emergency Services at South Shore Hospital, told CBS Boston. “So this would be a lot, even for adults.”
Terry Harris, the CEO of HBB, LLC, the makers of Lazy Cakes issued this statement: “We have not been contacted by the Mayor’s office in regard to their specific questions about our product, but we welcome a conversation with Mr. Flanagan. We created Lazy Cakes to provide adults with a great-tasting way to combat the stress associated with our fast-paced lives. Ingredients include items that anyone can purchase at any health food or vitamin store, such as melatonin, Valerian Root Extract, Rose Hips Extract, and Passion Flower. Each Brownie is clearly labeled to indicate that we recommend that Lazy Cakes be enjoyed by adults only. We encourage parents to check the label before providing this or any product to their children.”
The theory behind honey is that if you eat local honey from bees that live in your area, the nectar created by the flowers that they draw from has pollen grains in it that are local to your area. Taking a spoonful of this about one month before spring starts is almost like a natural form of homeopathy, in which you're being exposed to tiny amounts of the allergen, which helps you become resistant to it. New York City recently approved beekeeping, and one brand, called Hi-Rise Hive, is sold at local health food stores. The theory hasn't been proven by a double blind study yet, but as long as you don't give honey to a child under a year old, it's a safe remedy and it won't do any harm to try it.
VITAMIN C TAKEN WITH QUERCETIN
Vitamin C taken with Quercetin works in unison to stabilize mast cells. Mast cells are tiny cells that line your nasal passages and go down into your lungs. Basically, when a mast cell is exposed to a pollen grain that you're sensitive to, it releases histamine and causes the symptoms typical to allergies. By stabilizing the mast cell, you reduce its activity so it doesn't release histamine as easily as it would have. You can take Vitamin C and Quercetin several times a day when you find you're having symptoms, since you can't overdose on either, because they're water soluble, and any amount that you don't digest will be released in your urine. Vitamin C and Quercetin are sold as a combo at health food stores.
STINGING NETTLE WEED
If you've ever come in contact with this perennial, you probably remember the sting. It has an acid at the edge of pointy leaves, and the acid stays on your skin. But, it's safe and healthy in drink form. Steep the tea for 10 to 15 minutes to obtain the full benefits of the medicinal oils. The oil from the leaves has an antihistamine effect and tends to dry up the mucous membranes.
INHALING STEAM WITH ESSENTIAL OILS
If you inhale steam with certain essential oils, you can breathe easily -- quickly. Bring water to a boil in a saucepan, turn off the heat and add 4 drops of eucalyptus oil, 1 to 2 drops of tea tree oil and three drops of rosemary essential oil. The eucalyptus oil opens up your airway. The tee tree oil has antimicrobial properties that align with the rosemary. The effect won't last for several hours, but it can provide immediate relief.
It can be effective for this purpose. Acupuncture works by putting a needle into what is called an acupuncture point, a pressure point. By pointing the needle there, it creates signaling to your nervous system to alter what's happening in your body at the moment. Endorphins are released, local anti-inflammatories are released, and it can reduce inflammation.
CHECK YOUR DIET
The type of medicine I practice realizes that, while your body reacts to external allergens, the underlying cause may be certain foods that can increase your level of reaction. So, my first piece of advice is to begin with a non-allergenic diet. For example, for a lot of people, dairy causes them to create more mucous. If you're having dairy on a regular basis, and it's spring and you're a person who's already sensitized to pollen, you're more likely to develop mucous buildup and congestion in your sinuses that can lead to a sinus infection. The same thing goes for sugar. It can increase mucous production and inhibits white cell activity. Wheat is another thing to which 10 percent of Americans are sensitive and don't even know it because it doesn't have a sudden onset. Rather, it's a gradual reaction. The only way to know if you're allergic is to take wheat out of your diet and see how you feel in two or three weeks. Some of my patients report a general sense of well-being and more energy. A lot of women report constipation goes away after they remove wheat from the diet. This treatment is the most powerful one on the list, because it's for treating the underlying cause of allergies. The remaining remedies are for treating symptoms. The thing to bear in mind is that there's no instant gratification with this, since it can take several weeks before you see results.
Neti pots have been used since ancient times in India to clear nasal passages. Using one, or a saline nasal rinse such as Sinucleanse, is a great way to help reduce allergy symptoms. You use a salt solution that, at room temperature, is bactiostatic (antibacterial). When you're leaning forward and putting the neti pot in one nostril and tipping over, it runs through your nasal passage and out the other nostril, washing out any pollen grains that are stuck to your mucous membranes. You're reducing your exposure and reducing the activity of your mast cells and your immune system. It also helps with congestion and with mucous buildup.
I found a Low-cost and Convenient Blood Specific Test offer. Specific to male and female, since each gender has a group of tests panels not specific to the other. And, at the lowest price you’ll find anywhere.
*Only offered once a year, this diagnostic test is approximately 80% less that what other commercial labs charge.
*You'll be directed to a local lab for blood draw, then your sample is sent directly to Life Extension for professional medical evaluation.
*The results of your blood test are mailed directly to you, and if you have any questions, you'll be invited to call the Life Extension Health Advisor Helpline
for a "FREE" personal consultation regarding your test results.
Blood testing is the single most effective method of detecting abnormalities that can be corrected before they lead to serious illness or death.
Doctors who are curing cancer, and how to prevent it in the first place.
The book is "KNOCKOUT" by Suzanne Sommers.
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1. Click on the LIFE EXTENSION link in the right-hand side-bar.
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Read the reviews for yourself.
WHAT IS THE LIFE EXTENSION FOUNDATION?
The Life Extension Foundation is the world’s largest organization dedicated to finding scientific methods for addressing disease, aging, and death. The Life Extension Foundation is a non-profit group that funds pioneering scientific research aimed at achieving an indefinitely extended healthy human lifespan. The fruits of this research are used to develop novel disease prevention and treatment protocols.
During our annual Blood Test Super Sale, members are able to request their own blood tests and pay only a fraction of the price charged by commercial laboratories. In addition to saving money, this arrangement makes it convenient for members to have their blood drawn virtually anywhere in the United States.
The Male or Female Blood Test Panels provide invaluable information you should know about your individual biochemistry. When these tests reveal an abnormality, corrective actions can be taken that can often result in the prevention of serious degenerative disease(s). We strongly advise that everyone order a Male or Female Blood Test Panel once a year. If you order the Life Extension Male or Female Panel, or the Male or Female Weight Loss Panel, or purchase a Male or Female Hormone Re-Test Profile, you can determine your vitamin D level for just $25. Monitoring and maintaining adequate vitamin D levels is vitally important in protecting yourself against diseases ranging from diabetes and multiple sclerosis to prostate and breast cancer.
Click on Life Extension Foundation on right sidebar for this valuable offer.
(CBS News) We've heard a lot recently about how Americans are sleep-deprived -- and now a survey of working parents finds they're sex-deprived, as well.
Seventy percent said they're too tired to get romantic after a tough day of work. Psychotherapist and relationship expert Heide Banks said on "The Early Show" Tuesday that "really is a staggering number. It's so understandable - the demands of parenting these days, helping with homework, car pooling, shopping. It's a wonder anybody is having sex."
How often are couples having sex?
"This is the scary thing," Banks remarked to co-anchor Chris Wragge. "Under 30, or in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, two-to-three times a week. Over 30, 59 times a year. So that's a little bit more than once a week. When you get to be about 60 or 70, once a month. So anywhere in there," Banks explains. "But you can't compare yourself. You can't get in to a numbers game. It's about connecting in a relationship. So if you're sitting home going, 'Oh, honey, it's only 54 times and it's already New Year's Eve,' no, you can't do that. You've got to really allow your relationship to be what it's supposed to be."
Wragge pointed out that lot of it is based on where the relationship stands.
"Exactly," Banks says. A common response Banks finds in her research is, "I'm just too tired for it right now."
According to Banks, research says there are three things that affect whether or not you're having sex. Health and hormones: Obviously, as you get older, your sex drive decreases with most people. How tired you are is number two out of that whole list. And even more important than that how happy the relationship is."
Are those the real major factors for married couples?
"Absolutely. If you're not happy or exhausted, you're not having a great sex life. If you're not healthy, you're not having a great sex life."
"Is it one of those things where if you really want to do it, you can find time?" Wragge asks.
"We all know that. It really does boil down to that. But you've got to make it a priority. Make connecting a priority and you've got to make the enjoyment of it a priority. So maybe skip the trip to the mall. A lot of us get distracted with the little things in our life."
Fatigue can really affect one's libido, as well.
"There is nothing that stresses you out more than not having enough sleep. If you don't have enough sleep, your libido is low. But on the other side of it is, if you push yourself to have sex, it does energize your libido. So it's one of those two sided coins," she adds.
Banks points out that you have to look beneath the "I'm too tired" phrase. "It's always the issue beneath it, like what's really going on here? Have you connected, have you taken the time as a couple? Are there other stresses coming in to the relationship? Because you just can't use that excuse," she says.
So what can married couples with children do who to spice up their sex lives?
Banks suggests getting up a half hour earlier before the kids wake up and break the pattern.
"We always think of sex in the evening and we're exhausted. Wake up a little early and start your day that way," she stresses. "Again, re-prioritize your relationship, make connecting a priority. And number three, the most important thing, make you a priority and get more sleep. We always make the kids the priority. A good marriage makes the couple the priority."
"I remember growing up my father used to say to my mother, 'hey, we're going to go away for a few hours' and he would turn to us kids and he'd say 'this is our time.' And we knew what that meant," Banks says.
"Go play. Don't come back," Wragge jokes.
"We knew it wasn't time to go buy school supplies, it was a time for them, let's put it that way," Banks says. "And again, exhaustion, get more sleep. Sleep is the most important thing we can do for our health and it affects every area of our life. So maybe instead of taking a vacation, take a little sleep vacation. Say I'm going to take the day off from work and I'm going to rest."
In this study, volunteers were followed for over 9 years. Appox. 900 of them reported not drinking any diet soda, while appox. 160 reported drinking one or more diet sodas a day. At the end of the study, diet soda consumption, as well as salt intake, was linked to higher rates of strokes, heart attacks and other lethal vascular events.
When was the last time you had sex? If you can’t remember, chances are you’re married with children. But does that mean you have to go without? Read on for ways to bring back the bedroom bliss…
If you make it past eleven months with no sex whatsoever, you can declare yourself a born-again virgin!”
While sleepless nights are the norm for many new parents, it’s not always exhaustion that’s to blame for post-child celibacy. Many women are self-conscious about their post-baby bodies.
Remember when you used to tear each other’s clothes off. But with pregnancy weight still hanging on, many women don’t feel very sexy or attractive. And your boobs are so huge and swollen, the last thing you want is for your husband to touch you!”
Sometimes, one partner harbors resentment toward the other and withholds sex as punishment.
One Chicago mom says she hated that her husband went to work every day and left her home to handle their newborn.
“Even when he was home, much of the responsibility fell on me. I was furious and jealous,” she says. So she used the “Honey, I have a headache” excuse more than a few times to “get even.”
All this leads to the big question: Is anyone with kids getting any?
About 15%-20% of all marriages are “sexless,” according to a recent Newsweek study, meaning the couples have sex no more than 10 times a year. You read that correctly – that’s less than once a month! And those statistics continue to climb.
Mainly because most women are overworked, overcommitted and overextended financially. And stress is hardly an aphrodisiac.
So what can you do if you’ve lost the lust and want it back?
Make your marriage – and your sex life – a priority, not an afterthought, advises Rachel Blakeman, a Manhattan psychotherapist and managing editor of The Candidate, a psychoanalytical journal.
“Both partners need to make a commitment to bring the passion back into the relationship,” Blakeman says. “Couples should begin by communicating their sexual needs and openly discussing how they can be fulfilled.”
Part of that discussion must include a sex plan for where, when and how often. Then stick to it – even if you’re tired, unenthused or covered in baby food. Remember the movie 9½ Weeks? A little applesauce behind the ears can be sexy… go with it!
“If we want it, we have to seize the moment,” says Christina H. of New York City. “The second our daughter goes down for a nap, we jump on each other – in the kitchen, the living room, whatever. It’s a challenge – but exciting too.”
It isn’t impossible to get your mojo back, Blakeman says – even if it seems like ages since you last made love.
“You and your husband were a team before baby came along. And you can reclaim that intimacy with a little effort.”
Rev Up the Romance
Blakeman suggests taking these 7 simple steps to jump-start your sex life now.
1. Schedule “we” time. Get a Saturday-night sitter, and plan a regular date night. Or just watch a baseball game or movie at home together while drinking beer. It’s about quality – not quantity – and finding the time to be a couple without your little munchkins in the middle.
2. Make the first move. If your spouse isn’t in the mood, take the initiative. Don’t take it personally if he doesn’t take the bait. Just like you, he may simply be too exhausted or stressed. As the saying goes, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again… tomorrow.
3. Dress the part. Sleeping in a ratty T-shirt might be comfortable, but it’s not going to make your hubby hot for you. Break out the lacy lingerie or even just a fitted tank top. Better yet, go to bed in the buff.
4. Set the stage. Light candles. Give each other massages. A little ambience goes a long way.
5. Reconnect. Make eye contact, talk to each other (don’t just text or email), hold hands, and really listen to what your spouse has to say.
6. Relive the past. Go to your old haunts – the restaurant where you had your first date, the park bench where he popped the question. Flip through old photo albums from when you were first dating and reminisce about the romantic things you did together. It’s bound to stir up memories… and maybe something else too!
7. Get away, even for a day. Take a break from the everyday, even if it’s only for one or two nights. (Enlist family, friends or a sitter to watch the kids.) Alone time can do wonders for your relationship.
Is Your Love Life in a Lull?
Write down your answers to each question, then check your results at the end of the article.
1. The last time you had sex was:
A) Last night… and the night before… and the night before that.
B) Our anniversary… last year.
C) When the Olsen twins were still in diapers.
2. Your idea of a romantic evening is:
A) A candlelit dinner at a fancy French restaurant.
B) Hamburgers and "Seinfeld" reruns.
C) Eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.
3. Your hubby says, “Let’s do it!” You reply:
A) “Last one naked wears the French maid outfit!”
B) “OK, but after I help the kids with their homework.”
C) “Do what?”
4. The song title that best describes your sex life is:
B) “What Have You Done for Me Lately?”
C) “Hi-ho, Hi-ho, It’s Off to Work I Go!”
5. Which adjective would your spouse use to describe you in bed?
If you answered 3 or more A’s: You have a hot and happening sex life!
You prove that even frazzled moms can be sizzling spouses. Go, girl – you're our hero!
If you answered 3 or more B’s: You’re slowly sinking into a sexless existence!
But you're too tired to realize it. All your chores and activities as a mom are taking their toll on your love life. May we suggest a double espresso... and a game of strip poker?
If you answered 3 or more C’s: It’s time to put away the chastity belt!
You might be feeling loveless these days, but it's not hopeless. You just need to make more time to be together as a couple – not a couple of parents.